Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
