why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
