I'm going to jail i love you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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