i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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