In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize