i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
