my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
