What did we do last night that was yellow?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
