I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
where am i from again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize