Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
