maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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