Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
