i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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