i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
