i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
