I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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