I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
