also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
