I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
