shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize