You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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