I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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