Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
