Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
