once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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