dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He better not be in your backpack
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
