u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
