Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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