I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
