would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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