you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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