I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
