I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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