twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
