I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
