I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
