THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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