I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
