I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
