you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
