just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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