Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
