What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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