If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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