just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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