This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
