She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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