just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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