You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
