Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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