my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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