I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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