there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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