did you get engaged???
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize