Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
