Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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