So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
