he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
