My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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