I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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