Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
