Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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