if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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