i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
