We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
