I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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